Is this ableism?

Yes, on several levels. Most simply, wishing harm on another person is harmful. It’s not taking their humanity and their personhood into account.

I personally think people should try to avoid putting others down in any context. What does it do for you? Make you feel better? Probably. But it also makes the other person feel horrible. I know sometimes we want to make someone who’s hurting us feel bad, but in the long run that doesn’t do anything for decreasing their crappy behavior. And depending on the person’s personality or whims of the moment, it may egg them on into being even more shitty towards you and/or other people.

In situations like that, I tell people that what they’re doing is hurtful to me. I use “I” statements. Most of the time if they aren’t being assholes they stop. People often laugh at things without being assholes because the ‘unknown’ or things that make them uncomfortable produce laughter, like a coping mechanism.

If later after I am finished being upset I have the time and energy to, I explain to them what “triggering” someone means.

If they didn’t stop making fun of the situation in the first place, I leave the situation. At first it’s hard to do because you want to defend yourself, but it’s best for my own mental health. I also don’t argue with people over the internet generally as a rule if they are acting that way because I know they would act differently if we were speaking in person, or if they knew me, or whatever. I don’t deal with people who dehumanize others just because there’s a screen in front of them and not a person.

tl:dr - Yes, wishing someone would get beaten so severely that they are triggered by the item they’re being beaten with is bad, regardless of what they’ve said to you.

-MO